Five Things Not To Say to Trans People

You would think people would have some common sense, or at least that they would reasonably keep up with the times? No, not really. I think the title speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Here’s a list of five things you should generally never say to transgender people, especially trans people who you have just met or barely know.

“Have you had the surgery?”

What surgery? What the shit are you talking about? Surgeries for transgender people don’t just boil down to one session of going under the knife and waking up as the opposite sex in the recovery room. It doesn’t work like that. And there are many surgeries trans people can have. Top surgery. Different kinds of bottom surgeries (there’s by far more than one option for bottom for FtM individuals). Facial reconstruction surgeries. And the list goes on.

“So what’s your real name?”

My real name is Kane. Even before I had it legally changed, my real name was Kane. Are you talking about my birth name? I have no obligation to tell you about my birth name or any other aspect of my past, unless I choose to do so. It’s my own personal, private details and you are not entitled to them. Plus, I don’t ever want anyone calling me by my birth name anyway. That just feels demeaning.

“So. . . how do you have sex?”

Once you launch into an intimate 20-minute explanation with full info-graphics and slides on how you have sex, I’ll tell you about how I have sex. Sounds fair?

“But why would you do that? You’re just fine the way you are!”

To be honest if you say this, I’m not even going to dignify it with a response. I’m just going to glare at you and then walk away. But for the sake of this blog post I will say. . . I do not care if someone else sees me as “fine” in my gender assigned at birth. I’m the one who has to live in this body. And I’m the one who isn’t “fine”.

“Can’t you just change the way you dress? Do you have to change your name? Go on hormones? Get surgery done?”

Not all trans people choose to change their names and/or medically transition. But a large percentage of those that do find great relief from their dysphoria, and are generally satisfied with their transition. Also, see above: my body, not yours, your opinion literally is irrelevant to me.


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